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squid’s laws of fic (not inclusive)

DD's Tumblr - Tue, 08/29/2017 - 08:29


first law: write the fic you wish to see in the world aka goddammit do I have to do everything myself around here

second law: it’s going to be longer than you think. much longer. hahaha so long. why are you crying 

third law: the time spent writing is inversely proportional to the amount of smut present, dammit

fourth law: flesh out your secondary characters. make them real people. have them take over. oh god. put them back. somebody please help 

fifth law: the time spent researching canon is directly proportional to the amount of time you’ll spend altering your plot. that one person on the internet 

sixth law: the time spent researching in general will eclipse the time you spend writing. the nsa agent monitoring your internet search history is curled up in a corner. his boss wants to know if you’re a threat. “I don’t know,” the agent sobs. “I just really don’t know.” 

seventh law: at some point, someone will ask what your favorite hobby is. you will feign a heart attack to get away


DD's Tumblr - Tue, 08/29/2017 - 08:25


DD's Tumblr - Tue, 08/29/2017 - 08:23


This was a series of events told to me by a Tumblr-less friend to post here. Necessary context: a dragonborn rogue, in spite of his class and proficiencies, has a love of fighting with a greatsword - specifically, a unique one picked up a few sessions in that has an undercommon phrase engraved on it that none of the players can read. One session, he goes ahead of his party to investigate in a mansion, and comes across another greatsword hanging on the wall, which has the same phrase written on it.

Rogue: Hey, that’s my sword!

DM: Well, a copy of your sword, basically, yeah.

Rogue: I refuse to share my sword with anyone! I want to sue whoever owns this sword.

DM: That’s not-


DM: You don’t even know who… you know what, fine. Roll Charisma with disadvantage.

Rogue rolls. Lowest roll is a 21.

DM: …you track down the owner of the sword, a veteran fighter, and sue him. The case is taken to court. Roll for how well your lawyer does.

Rogue, laughing, rolls a nat 20.

DM: (having gone from annoyed to greatly entertained) Alright, you perform a ritual and summon Phoenix Wright from another dimension, and he successfully gets the veteran declared guilty of plagiarism. All this took about a week. You receive 1500 gold in “damages” and finally return to the mansion, where the rest of your party has been impatiently waiting to continue your quest.

Other party member: I punch him in the face. (rolls, hits)

Rogue: Can I roll to sue for assault? (everyone glares at him) …I take the damage.

We Are Seeking a Publicity/Marketing Professional!

DD's Tumblr - Tue, 08/29/2017 - 08:22



Good evening followers!

As we gear up for the release of our first commercial works, we are in search of Marketing and/or Publicity wizards to help us make each book a success! 

We are seeking someone with professional experience in the area of marketing and/or publicity. Fandom experience is a plus (because we are all about supporting fandom!), as is a love for fan fiction. This is a paid, part-time consultant/contract position. The ideal candidate is adept at digital marketing strategies (SEO/email marketing/social media/etc.) and is willing to help establish a strong promotional plan for our first releases. Experience with promoting novels, particularly ebooks, is a major plus and will be given preference. 

If you would like to join our team and help us launch the original works of some of our favorite fan fiction authors, please email us a short cover letter and your resume to contact@carnationbooks.com. 

*whisper* please reblog this, we need a wizard

not-quite-human-enough: the-s-p-l: Some of your favorite movie...

DD's Tumblr - Tue, 08/29/2017 - 08:21



Some of your favorite movie SFX and how they were inspired

I need to find a foley artist so I can study their brain. It must be a wonderful state of mind.

treasures-and-beauty: Japanese export silver bowl featuring...

DD's Tumblr - Mon, 08/28/2017 - 23:52


Japanese export silver bowl featuring stylized koi fish hand chased to the body. Circa - 1900.

While doing research: thoughts on medieval popular culture

DD's Tumblr - Mon, 08/28/2017 - 15:23
DD: (reads to PM from Guerber's MYTHS AND LEGENDS OF THE MIDDLE AGES) So Huon and Sherasmin the Cave-Dweller, who is this guy who, well, has been living in this cave, are in this enchanted forest. And they're sitting under a tree and 'They saw the golden castle of Oberon, king of the fairies and son of Julius Caesar and Morgan le Fay.'
PM: (blinks)...Don't ever tell me they didn't have shipping in the Middle Ages.
DD: (reading) 'Then as they gazed spellbound at the wonderful sight they beheld the glittering gates of the palace roll back as the king drove through them in a chariot of silver, drawn by leopards, himself appearing in the guise of the God of Love.'
DD: (blinks) Seems legit...

Zero to bitch in 30 seconds

DD's Tumblr - Sat, 08/26/2017 - 16:14

Yeah, I get these too. (Also: maybe it’s a bot. But if it is, it doesn’t respond well to nonstandard answers. Which is also satisfying.)

20,000 bees chase car for TWO DAYS after queen bee gets trapped in boot

DD's Tumblr - Thu, 08/24/2017 - 21:28
20,000 bees chase car for TWO DAYS after queen bee gets trapped in boot:

I typed in the link from that story further down the timeline to see what happened. Those were really persistent bees…

8 Badass "Game Of Thrones" Tours Every Fan Will Want To Go On

DD's Tumblr - Thu, 08/24/2017 - 21:23
8 Badass "Game Of Thrones" Tours Every Fan Will Want To Go On:

Having had the advantage of being married to a Northern Irish guy, I’ve been lucky enough to visit most of these places before they got famous. Tollymore Forest in particular is full of fond memories. (The stream running through it also featured one of the BIGGEST F***ING BROWN TROUT I have ever seen. The thing was the size of a salmon.)

This is apropos of nothing whatsoever except a momentary bit of...

DD's Tumblr - Thu, 08/24/2017 - 20:47

This is apropos of nothing whatsoever except a momentary bit of delight.

The Horror Channel (a CBS/Viacom channel on the Sky platform in the UK) has been stripping ST:TOS five nights a week for some while, and tonight they were showing  “Metamorphosis” (s2e09), the episode that introduces the Zefram Cochrane character and the alien being that saved his life in old age and fell in love with him thereafter.

When Cochrane (with the assistance of the tinkered-together universal translator device Kirk is holding here) realizes what the score is, he first has a nasty little fit of xenophobia – which Spock describes with some distaste as “totally parochial” – but then over the course of the episode gets past it. As he and the newly-embodied Companion walk off together hand in hand, Kirk watches this happen while wearing the most gloriously sappy expression I’ve ever seen William Shatner produce. It was so wistful and sweet that I wanted to dive through the screen and give him a hug.

I mean, just look at that face. He looks like the groomsman/bridesmaid at somebody’s wedding. (And bearing in mind that in earlier parts of the script Kirk has been pleading the case for Love quite hard – with a certain amount of resonance to the concept that this would be a nice thing for starship captains to have if only they were free to do so – the moment gains some poignancy.)

And it’s no surprise, of course, that as this denouement starts to unfold Spock stands there holding the “I find this whole business very suspect” expression. It just points up the look on Kirk’s face all the more.

…Apropos of nothing, as I said. But when an actor does something I find memorable, if I don’t have the DVD handy I’ll dive for the phone. (shrug) Just one of those writer things. Don’t mind me…