{"id":1113,"date":"2006-11-22T11:44:11","date_gmt":"2006-11-22T10:44:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dianeduane.com\/outofambit\/2006\/11\/22\/and-meanwhile-in-the-gossip-department\/"},"modified":"2006-11-22T11:44:11","modified_gmt":"2006-11-22T10:44:11","slug":"and-meanwhile-in-the-gossip-department","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dianeduane.com\/outofambit\/2006\/11\/22\/and-meanwhile-in-the-gossip-department\/","title":{"rendered":"And meanwhile in the gossip department…"},"content":{"rendered":"

I swear, it’s like watching high-stakes poker on TV. But high-stakes poker played by six-year-olds.<\/p>\n

i m divorcin u kthxbye<\/a><\/p>\n

Oh yeah? I want a lot of money or I’m taking the kids <\/a>because you’re a bad mom.<\/a><\/p>\n

No I’m not and no you’re not. Read the prenup again and buzz off.<\/a><\/p>\n

Oh yeah? Well I have a sooper sekrit sex tape <\/a>and I’m gonna sell it for a gazillion dollars.<\/p>\n

No you won’t, I’ll leak it to the filesharers first <\/a>and nobody’ll pay you for what they can get for free. And I’m selling the house and buying a loads bigger one<\/a> that you’ll never have been inside of. Nyah nyah.<\/p>\n

Oh yeah? Well there is no tape<\/a>. Hahahahahaha. And I’m going to write a book about you anyway and tell everybody all your secrets. <\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

…(sigh) Okay, what’s the next card down on the table?<\/p>\n

(Update: And now we know.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Haha, I’m partying with Paris and you’re not.<\/a><\/p>\n

Boo hoo. Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’m gonna go eat worms.<\/a> (Noises off: “Yes, you’re right, we all hate you,<\/a> just STFU.”) Also: Im sorry, I luv u, pls tk me bak…<\/a><\/p>\n

No way. What do I need you for? I’m<\/em> so important I can show everybody my crotch. Repeatedly. <\/a>And I’m gonna have a big important show in Las Vegas.<\/a> And <\/em>I’m gonna go there for New Year’s and be the star of a big party in the club where you recorded your last flop, and you’re so not invited. <\/a>AND I’m gonna be the hostess of the Billboard awards with Paris.<\/a> NYAH NYAH!<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(However: inferred but not yet confirmed — Britney gets wind of something that Paris has supposedly said about her.<\/a> And immediately thereafter:)<\/p>\n

And I thought you were my friend! So I’m not<\/em> doing the Billboards,<\/a> and you can just stand there and be host all by yourself and everybody’ll know why, you traitor. Take that!<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

(headclutch) Dear Goddess, it’s like watching a train wreck. It just keeps… on… going…<\/em> It can’t get worse than this, really <\/em>it can’t.<\/p>\n

(waits in a resigned manner for the world to prove her wrong)<\/p>\n

[tags] Britney, K-Fed, Fed-Ex, prenup, sex tape, did didn’t did didn’t did didn’t did so did not did so did not neener neiner niener[\/tags]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I swear, it’s like watching high-stakes poker on TV. But high-stakes poker played by six-year-olds. i m divorcin u kthxbye Oh yeah? 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