{"id":4850,"date":"2016-12-11T20:56:32","date_gmt":"2016-12-11T20:56:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dianeduane.com\/outofambit\/?p=4850"},"modified":"2016-12-11T20:56:32","modified_gmt":"2016-12-11T20:56:32","slug":"young-wizards-advent-calendar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dianeduane.com\/outofambit\/2016\/12\/11\/young-wizards-advent-calendar\/","title":{"rendered":"The Young Wizards Advent Calendar is up again"},"content":{"rendered":"

Each day from the first to the twenty-fifth of December 2015, the Advent calendar based at this page over at the Young Wizards: Interim Errantry<\/em> site<\/a> showed scraps of previously-unheard conversation from the memorable Christmas party in How Lovely Are Thy Branches<\/em>. <\/a><\/p>\n

Now that the holiday season has rolled around again, we\u2019ve promoted the post to the front page of the YW:IE<\/em> site<\/a> once more, and extended the range of the calendar a little; every page at YW:IE<\/em> now displays a Santa Tab on the right-hand side. Just click on it to get the Advent calendar to pop up. Please bear in mind that if you haven’t read HLATB,<\/em> the amount of sense these calendar entries \/ chunks of dialogue make to you is likely to vary widely.<\/p>\n

Also: as a sample for those who might be interested, under the cut on this page you’ll find the full text of day 3, “Ritual Practices”: a discussion between a wizard’s mom and the Master of the Crossings Intercontinual Gating Facility regarding the logistics and technology of cleaning up during and after parties.<\/p>\n

Enjoy!<\/p>\n

(FYI: How Lovely Are Thy Branches<\/em> is one of the three texts included in Interim Errantry<\/em>. <\/a>If you have that already, no need to acquire HLATB<\/em>.)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Ritual Practices<\/h1>\n

(A snatch of previously unreported dialogue from the party in How Lovely Are Thy Branches<\/em><\/a>)<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cNurse Mrs. Rodriguez\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, sweetie, just Mrs. Or Nurse, but seriously there\u2019s no need for that here, I\u2019m off duty\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll right. Anyway, is there a way this toggles?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis serving object. I can\u2019t seem to find a toggle.\u201d<\/p>\n

The sound of running water stops. \u201cSorry, couldn\u2019t hear you there for a moment, sweetie, the water\u2019s closer than you are. What needs a toggle?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis\u2014 Forgive me, I don\u2019t know the local terminology, sometimes the broader Speech recensions need augmentation on local object terminology, and for some reason or other the catering end seems particularly badly served\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re trying to tell me that nothing ever works the way it should, stop right there because you\u2019re preaching to the choir. What\u2019s the problem exactly?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, to start with, what\u2019s this called?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat? It\u2019s a platter.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPlatter, all right, thank you. How does it disintegrate?\u201d<\/p>\n

A pause. \u201c\u00bfQue?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cNormally there\u2019s a toggle, it might be submolecular but I wasn\u2019t seeing anything obvious, often there\u2019s a little here-it-is light or a trailing macromolecular tag that you can feel, or\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm, wait. No, I hate to disappoint you but that one\u2019s not built to disintegrate. Except possibly under normal wear and tear.\u201d A pause, then muttered under the breath: \u201cNot that I don\u2019t wish that one would<\/em> disintegrate, I\u2019ve never really cared for the pattern, but it was a present from my mother-in-law, and sooooo\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAh. Well, how does it get cleaned, then?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHere, I\u2019ll do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The sound of the faucet running again.<\/p>\n

Followed by a pause simply festooned<\/em> with polite disbelief. \u201cYou mean you actually clean your eating utensils\u2026 with water?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cAround here? Yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf \u2018clean\u2019 is really the word we\u2019re looking for. Certainly that<\/em> water\u2019s not hot enough to do anything but annoy the microorganisms a little. I assumed it was something ritual. Perhaps having to do with the holiday\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

A sudden fit of snickering. \u201cIf you mean it looks like all some people do this time of year is wash the dishes, believe me, we have common ground.<\/em> And yeah, I bet it looks like there\u2019s a ritual component, but no, this is just to get the top layer of crud off them before they go in the dishwasher\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The sound of a pull-down door squeaking open.<\/p>\n

\u201cPowers above us, will you look<\/em> at this! What\u2019s that little thing in the tray?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh. Dishwasher soap.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo this mechanism has to be\u2026 ritually cleansed before use, perhaps?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, sorry, I was being slangy. That dissolves in hot water and washes the dishes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSeriously?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Two heads, one human and one Rirhait, lean a little way into the dishwasher, and the voices are accordingly muffled. \u201cYes. I wouldn\u2019t be strong on this particular tech, autoclaving is more what I deal with at work\u2026 but see that propellery thing? Water sprays out of that onto the dishes\u2026 they all sit in these racks. And then the soap dissolves in the water that runs off, and it cycles around again, and gets blasted all over things until they\u2019re clean. After that there\u2019s a rinse cycle to get the soap off them, and finally a hot air cycle to dry everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2026 is fascinating!<\/em> So quirky, so unusual!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd a timesaver for events like this. Sometimes I wish I had two of them. In fact sometimes I wish I had two of them just for everyday, the way some people around here eat and don\u2019t clean up after themselves…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGuilt,\u201d says a resigned voice from the far side of the passthrough, \u201conly works if the party it\u2019s intended for actually takes delivery\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhich I\u2019ve noticed, Juan. Any more dishes to come back from out there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust this one from off site.\u201d Another broad oval platter, apparently made of clear glass and now completely denuded of everything but what looks like blue whipped cream, comes through the passthrough.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you. Here, Legs, let me rinse this for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, no need!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I can\u2019t let you take stuff back dirty! That would be so slovenly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, no, not at all! Besides, it won\u2019t go back dirty. Here, watch.\u201d<\/p>\n

There follows a faint fizzing noise lasting three point six seconds, followed by a rather prolonged pause.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you all right, Mrs. Nurse Rodriguez?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLegs, sweetheart, I\u2019ve got to ask you to stop doing that. We\u2019re sharing a kitchen, we\u2019re doing the dishes together, for certain values of \u2018doing\u2019, you are more<\/em> than qualified to call me Reena. But, listen\u2026 the platter. Do you usually destroy your stuff like that? Your people are so advanced, don\u2019t you have recycling or something?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat was<\/em> the recycling.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm, okay. Or wait! Is this like Kit\u2019s little pocket in the air?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat, like a portable claudication? Oh, no, that\u2019s much more advanced technology. And wizardly to boot. This is just cheap pre-transmutation tech, stopped a step or two before the protocols we use at the Crossings for rawmat food fabrication. Not that we overdo that\u2014there are always species who claim rawmatted food just doesn\u2019t taste the same as naturally grown or sourced ingredients, even though they\u2019re chemically identical.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm. All right. So if you recycled that, where did it go?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt didn\u2019t go anywhere. It\u2019s right here.\u201d<\/p>\n

A blink. \u201cYou could have fooled me.\u201d<\/p>\n

A chuckle. \u201cWell, I said<\/em> disintegrate, but that doesn\u2019t necessarily imply there\u2019s not going to be re<\/em>integration, does it? I mean, what would be the point in wasting perfectly good plasma?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026Plasma.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, of course, the disintegration just acts to rid the serving object of any contaminants. A trivial amount of the cold plasma from the triggered disintegration is allowed to go hot in a very controlled reaction with the waste, and scavenged energy from the fusion powers the reintegration; the whole business is very power-conserving.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat still sounds\u2026 vaguely dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n

A chuckle. \u201cOh, it\u2019d be a lot more than vaguely dangerous if it got into the wrong hands, believe me! There are species who would love to use this as weapons technology, which means we have to be ever so careful about where our decommissioned catering equipment goes\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm. Yes, yes I imagine that would be the case.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut the basic configuration matrix for the item remains encoded in the plasma, you see, and all that\u2019s needed to reconstitute it is for the person who did the disintegration to make contact with it, with intent. The plasma manifests a tagged reintegration zone, because naturally you wouldn\u2019t want any of yourself to accidentally get incorporated into the reintegration, that would get awfully messy, but you\u2019re careful to keep your manipulating instrumentalities out of the tagged zone, and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Another three point six second fizz.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere you go. See? Perfectly clean. In fact, molecularly identical with its new-from-the-factory state, which is what\u2019s encoded in the plasma.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026Wow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd of course you don\u2019t have to keep it in this shape if you don\u2019t want to! After all, what use would a thing be if it can only be one<\/em> thing? The cold plasma sequence can be reprogrammed to reintegrate the item into another shape on demand. It\u2019s very simple, there\u2019s an app for that. All the Crossings catering supplies are structured this way, so we can flexibly reconfigure utensils and dining ware on the fly for unexpected numbers of a given species coming through, or special requirements\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm. Legs. If it wouldn\u2019t be against the rules\u2026 like, I don\u2019t know, leaving advanced weapons technologies with less advanced species\u2026 could I prevail on you to leave me a few of these?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA few? I\u2019ll get you a whole set. Carmela\u2019s advanced-tech waiver can easily be extended to cover the whole household\u2014it\u2019s merely a clerical issue. I mean, you\u2019ve got a worldgate portal on site, what\u2019s some catering equipment to that?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

A thoughtful pause. \u201cUm\u2026 good question.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd as for this platter that you don\u2019t like\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMmm?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it possible that it might have\u2026 an accident?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUm\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAccidents do happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, they do, don\u2019t they. House full of guests\u2026 Foreign<\/em> guests\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVery<\/em> foreign guests,\u201d says an amused German-accented voice from the direction of the passthrough, its owner peering in amiably at the Rirhait.<\/p>\n

\u201cQuite. And when your new serving ware comes through, it\u2019d be quite simple to program one piece to look like this one when it had to. Only on demand, mind you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

There is a very soft clunk as a large platter bedizened with a desperately ugly folk-art sponge painting of an apparently dyspeptic turkey is placed carefully on the floor.<\/p>\n

Crunch!<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cOh goodness me Juan, will you look at what\u2019s happened to your Mama\u2019s platter,\u201d announces one of the people in the kitchen in a tone totally bereft of either shock or dismay. \u201cWhatever will we tell her.\u201d<\/p>\n

A glance through the passthrough. \u201cThat there was a terrible accident?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re on.\u201d<\/p>\n

And after a thoughtful moment:<\/p>\n

\u201cSweet Powers, is that lead<\/em> in this glaze? You people may not be much at the technology end but you are such gourmets…\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

\"default\"<\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Each day from the first to the twenty-fifth of December 2015, the Advent calendar based at this page over at the Young Wizards: Interim Errantry site showed scraps of previously-unheard…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4852,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":4,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"anyone","activitypub_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[71,724],"tags":[811],"class_list":["post-4850","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-young-wizards","category-young-wizards-meta","tag-young-wizards-interstitials"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Young Wizards Advent Calendar is up again - Out of Ambit<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dianeduane.com\/outofambit\/2016\/12\/11\/young-wizards-advent-calendar\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Young Wizards Advent Calendar is up again - 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