How far out in the country are we…?

This far.

(a) Hear car horn tooting outside. Think, “Oh, it’s the mailman with a package.” Get up and run out the front door to the gate. Huh? No mailman. Stand there puzzled, getting slightly rained on.

(b) Hear more tooting from behind the house. Turn around to see that it’s not the mailman at all, but just your landlord herding his sheep in his Land Rover.

(c) Go back in the house and continue answering e-mail. And reflect (in passing) that, even in these bucolic surroundings, with the swans producing cygnets and swallows nesting under the eaves, you seem to get as much dong-enlargement spam as anyone else.